ONE YEAR WITH VIVI

We celebrated Vivi's first family day by going to the Chinese Lantern Festival that was coming through town. It seemed like the perfect way to celebrate one year with our sweet Vivien. In true Vivi fashion our little sugar went from feeling fine, to coughing like crazy and then acting like she only wanted to lay down and sleep all in the course of the evening. You could hear her coughs basically anywhere on the fairgrounds.

I was a little disappointed in the festival itself. The lanterns were cool, but they advertised food and all there was was fair food, Mexican food, and a white guy selling the worst noodles I've ever had in my life. Vivi was into them so that was good. Also they claimed they would have all of this Chinese art and they only had a few things. It was not what I pictured for the ticket price, but it was still really pretty. Vivi was still slightly spry after dinner but she went down fast. She was sick the day we met her and she was sick one year later. It made sense.

The girls each got a Chinese glass egg with their names painted inside the eggs. I had brought a picture of Vivi's name in Chinese and it tickled me that the guys there looked at it and said: "SongJia." I mean, of course they could read it, but it just looks like pretty lines to me and the fact that they could read it surprised me. I think we would have stayed longer, but poor Vivi and the coughing. We had to get her home.

I find that on Stella's birthday I reflect a bit on the day when she was born and the crazy scared emotions I felt and remember what it felt like to hold that tiny baby for the first time. When Vivi has a birthday I don't have that same connection to that day. For me, April 5 is the day that I will always reflect on how it felt to first hold Vivien in my arms and how scared and terrified we both were. The way I felt about that toddler in my arms at that very moment compared to how I felt about the child in my arms who was coughing and hacking up her insides one year later while we explored the lantern festival is from one end of the spectrum of feelings to the next. In this year, she has become my daughter so completely I can't imagine my life without her. How did that happen? How did she become mine? I don't even fully understand how many ways my Heavenly Father intervened in my life to make this miracle child possible. I love her so completely and simply. Adoption is such an amazing way to gain a child. Also, I think I always thought we would adopt a child that needed us as a family, but I didn't realize how much I would need her. Vivien has completely changed me in so many ways I can't even begin to describe it to anyone. I can barley describe it to myself. One of the most amazing people I know, was abandoned on a hospital bench on March 15, 2015. She was found by a stranger and then raised by women who selfishly loved her even though they knew that she did not belong to them forever. Soon before she turned two years old, she was then snatched up by strangers who wanted to care for her desperately and show her the love of a family. Then she was taken away from her home country to become a citizen of a new country without knowing what to expect or have any choice in the matter. She has blossomed in our home. She is so brave and stubborn and fun and happy. She is resilient and kind and thoughtful and she has the biggest smile and the most adorable dimples. Oh and, her eyes sparkle when she talks. She is a missing piece that we longed for and prayed for for years. She is the greatest joy and strangers tell us how cute she is all of the time. However, I don't think it is because she is physically cute (even though she is), but her personality is cute. She is friendly and likes people. She likes adventures and eats all the foods. She loves her cousins and her grandparents and her aunties and uncles and her friends. She is crazy about her sister and she always wants to know where her daddy is. She kisses and snuggles with fierce intensity and just makes me so happy. How did I get to be so lucky to be her earthly mom? I don't even know.

So I found this quote a while ago and the woman who said it made it into a little design. I bought it and I plan to hang it in Vivi's room one day:

My favorite line is: "I don't know what it's like to look at you and catch a glimpse of myself as a child. What I see in you is far more beautiful than that. I see the hand of God in my life." The first time I read that I cried and I cried the second and third time too. That was it! That was how I felt when I looked at Vivien. I look at her and I see the hand of God in my life so clearly I could never deny that He lives and He loves me. I also know that He loves Vivien and I am lucky to be a part of His plan for her life. She is the greatest blessing I'll ever receive.